Thursday, February 4, 2010

How do I deal with a false accusation that I am racist?

We have NEVER made any racial slurs nor have we ever brought up the subject of race, yet our neighbor, whom we don't even know very well, has spread rumors throughout our new neighborhood (it's 2 years young) that we are racist and that we called her the ';n'; word. Our problem with her is solely due to disrespect for our property and we've told her that. We've never filed a police report, despite the numerous trespassing instances because we didn't want to be un-neighborly about it. Instead, we approached her and asked her to stop. We've considered a defamation of character lawsuit but our attorney doesn't advise it. We've also considered a professional mediator but all she does is yell at us and won't let us speak. I told her that I couldn't believe she could lie to my face about something I never did. Our community seems to believe the rumors instead of getting to know us firsthand. This hurts me deeply beause I am a Christian and would never do the things she accuses me of.How do I deal with a false accusation that I am racist?
You said you're a Christian. Pray against the continued dispersing of the lies and love on her. I know that's easier said than done, but this is a perfect opportunity to love your enemy. Even more than that find ways to show yourselves loving and friendly to others in the community. Look for ways to extend yourself to others so that they will see that you are not that kind of person. Most importantly, when you do these things, don't do them to defend yourself. Romans 8 says that God justifys you...who can condemn you? Let Him defend you. As challenging as it may seem at first...just show love for the sake of showing love...for the sake of being who you really are. If you do this with a pure heart, and FORGIVE her COMPLETELY, then you will find that the truth outlasts the lie. And God may even use you to help her one day.





P.S. - The reason it's important not to be neighborly out of trying to defind yourself from a lie is that people know when others are doing things with an alterior motive. Then they began to feel manipulated and trust even less. Just be the loving person that you are and don't think it's strange when difficult times come. Use it as an opportunity to improve your character. Let this help you learn to love and serve under pressureHow do I deal with a false accusation that I am racist?
Your question is too long to effectively get a lot of answers. It seems that there are some things that you aren't telling.
To thine own self be true. Don't 'try' to show them you aren't racist. Be not racist. And if she won't talk to you civilly, then yes, file reports. Get a restraining order if you must, tho not very Christian. Whatever you do, take the high road. If your neighbors wish to believe you are a racist, then they are not open to the truth yet. If you are nothing but nice, they will come around.
It sounds like you are making a mountain out of what is a mole hill. Defamation of character is if she has published this and has the intent on hurting your character. It sound like she is only responding to what you have done and has had no ill intent. Her values seem to be different then yours and that is too bad that you are neighbors then. Because values dont change easily.





In situations of conflict only a few out comes are possible. Either you both are going to continue fighting till something BIG happens or it will stop. Stoping it requires that one of you move, or change their attitude towards the other.





My advice to you is to look at the issues 'honestly' with in your self. Then sit down with this person in some place that is neutral to the both of you and talk it out. If a mediator is necessary then It is necessary. But first you need to decide what kind of out come you want and stick with it.





As a Christian, I hope that the outcome doesnot involve anything harmful or destructive, but take the values of Christ into this. That is inspite of what YOU see her as God Sees her as a potential or realized home of Christ. God loves her and thatr should be where you heart is or at least it should be moving towards that place and not awayfrom it.





Maybe what is need is time. It really does heal all wounds. She may not want to talk now but give the issue some space and time and she may turn around. But being a good neighbor is being able to flex some. She has to to but so do you. If she sees that you are 'flexing' some maybe it will ease her feelings.
Jesus said in His Word that men will revile you and make all manner of false accusations against you. Be of good cheer for the world does not hate you it is Him they hate. The enemy will use any vice that he can to take your peace. Don't let him. Stand in faith knowing that you belong to the Prince of Peace. Stand on you faith in Him, for this too shall pass.
2 things... First laugh every time she is around... You will make her believe that you are laughing at her when in fact you are just laughing, this is to get under her skin... Rumors are rumors.. Let them be...Neighbors believe what they want as long as you know the truth who cares... Second thing is maybe build a fence line around your property... this will stop the trespassing or make the trespassing more evident and then you will have a stronger position against her...





Hope this info is usefull to you and good luck with that
Next time you are at a community gathering go straight up to this woman and tell her hello and how are you? We haven't see you in a while? How is everything?





Be nice and understanding, listen to her when she talks, let others see you are not a racist by your actions, and if she flips out at you then the neighbors will see that she is the crazy one. Some people are used to others being judgemental so they look for it. Others want to do what they want and when you tell them no they find any reason to make you lookbad


All a good christian can do is just kill her with kindness in front of others.
Defamation of character and restraining order...


Get her in court and be cleared.
The only way i see to resolve this is in court. Or it will never stop. As for your other neighbors it will take time but they will get over it just be nice and respectful and it will be OK you know the saying that you cannot catch bees with vinegar. If you remain nice to all they will see that you are a nice person after all.
I would call the police the next time they trespass and make a report every time there after. They will soon just leave you alone or have more legal troubles than they want.

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